Harry Potter and the Rejected Plot
Author J.K. Rowling's recent announcement of the title of the seventh and final book in her Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, set 30-year-olds-who-live-with-their-parents across the world tittering with either delight or indignation at the name choice. While many are speculating about the contents of the unreleased novel, we take a look back at some of the rejected and subsequently forgotten Harry Potter titles in this exclusive report.
Harry Potter and the Dark Wizard
Following criticism leveraged against Rowling concerning the lack of racial diversity in her stories, this proposed plot featured a new student transferring from an inner-city public Wizarding school to the Hogwarts Academy for the Privileged. The book deals with Harry and friends' hilariously misguided attempts to understand cultural differences and their subsequent fight to bring a Magical Basketball team to the school's sports lineup.
Harry Potter and the Magic Wand
In an attempt to appease writers of lurid Harry Potter fan-fiction, Rowling briefly considered a plot wherein a schoolyard prank involving a magic love potion goes terribly wrong and the book's eponymous hero falls madly in love with his best friend, Ron Weasley. Hilarity ensues.
Harry Potter and the Perfectly Ordinary School Year
In this odd thematic break from the Harry Potter formula, Lord Voldemort takes the year off, leaving Harry to spend most of the book agonizing over test scores and plotting ways to sneak into the girl's dormitory with his invisibility cloak.
Harry Potter and the Good Hygiene Lesson
In this attempt to educate the smelly legions of fans who show up at Rowling's book signings, Harry Potter learns a valuable lesson in cleanliness. The story is rife with secret potions (like soap and shampoo) and magic incantations (“wash your hands after using the toilet”) that are sure to bring some much-needed real-world magic into the lives of the hygienically challenged.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Gas
In this thinly-veiled, historically inaccurate, and horrifically offensive World War II allegory, Harry Potter does battle with the evil wizard Adolfomort after learning the secret of the chamber of gas.
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