Heard by a Bird: November 19

"I dislike meeting people, but I love being met."
- Patricia Arquette


Smoking Section

"When I was a boy, we had a battered old television," Gene Pilnatt remembers.  "After you watched it for two hours it would start to smoke, sometimes.  Once the Marlboro Man was smoking -- and so was the TV!"


A Letter

My Dear Mr. Sparrow:

I met a furrier named A. Vespa.  His body was covered with black hair, especially his chest and arms.  His beard was profuse, his hairdo untamed.  A. Vespa was a furrier furrier.

"Amy"



Bumper sticker:

ASTRONAUT
FOR HIRE



A Second Letter

Dear Bird-Hearer:

Do suburban punks dye their lawns purple?

J. B.



The Need for Elongations

I spoke to Irving Korten, a local proponent of Rural Language.

Sparrow: I understand you have an unusual linguistic theory.

Korten: In the city, people need abbreviations.  There are in a rush.  Here in the country, we have too much time.  We should have the opposite of abbreviations -- elongations.  For example, I live in Mount Tremper.  I've started to call it "Mount Trempertown," or sometimes "Mount Tremper, Home of the Fat Half-White Skunks."  (We have these strange skunks here, with especially wide white stripes.)

When I tell my wife we need to buy milk, I'll say: "Let's go purchase some liquid cow- offerings!"  And instead of saying "my friend Tony," I'll call him "Tony, Who Taught Me How to Paddle a Kayak, Out in Lake Hill."

Sparrow: How do you describe yourself, in your language studies?

Korten: I enjoy referring to myself as a "freelance elongater."

Sparrow: Well, thank you for your theory.

Korten: Instead of "You're welcome," I like to utter: "Anytime you need me, I'll be on one of my three chairs, so never be afraid to visit!"


Shandaken Poetry Encyclopedia


A Worry

My copy of
Leaves of Grass
is damp.

- Arnold Ledman


One Line

This poem is all on one line.

- Shari Grande



9:35 A.M.

I have begun
to understand
dust.

- Mickey O. Rall



Bandanna Fritters

Fold a clean bandanna into a hammock shape.  Place inside:

1/2 cup corn meal
1/6 cup milk
1/8 cup chopped dates
1/8 cup sorghum syrup

Knead into cakes, and saute in peanut oil. 

[Thanks to Mary Robsonn for this recipe.]


Did you see that cloud resembling a legal tort over Shandaken last Tuesday?


Bumper sticker:

ALL BARISTAS
ARE SLUTS


A Third Letter

Dear Gossip-master Sparrow:

I have an old broom, and as I use it, its straws fall out onto the floor.  I spend much of my time sweeping up the broom itself.

"Edna"


Compost Welcome Mat

"My friend Cindy had a compost pile right in front of her house," Duke Fendett recalls.  "You had a step over the pile, to get in the front door.  This was 1978-9.  It started because she was lazy.  She got tired of carting the cornhusks into the backyard.  Besides, she didn't like visitors much.  I asked her, 'What about the smell?' and she answered: 'I relish the smell of decomposition.'"


Costume Dream

"I want to put on a bear costume one summer day, and see how many tourists I can fool," Ray Denners told me.

Tags: Sparrow , Phoenicia , Poet , Bird