Heard by a Bird

Sparrow May 21, 2007

"God speaks to us through comic books."
- Jack Kirby

Did you see the cloud shaped like the letter H over Mount Tremper last Thursday?

A Letter

Dear Mr. Sparrow:

People are constantly asking me: "How's it going?" and "How are you doing?"

I have finally come up with an answer: "It's too early to tell."

A. B.

Have you heard the new Pine Hill band, Midlife Cry Sis?

Bumper sticker:

JOHN BROWN WAS
A TERRORIST

A Second Letter

Dear Señor Sparrow:

Have you ever deliberately sent a blank e-mail to someone? Yesterday, I sent one -- to my older sister -- and today I am ashamed.

Anonymous In Chichester

Pea Syrup

1 cup green peas
1 Tbs honey
1/2 tsp cinnamon (optional)

Puree peas, honey and cinnamon. Pour on fresh rice or couscous. Serve.

[This recipe comes from Ralph Muros.]

Shoelace-Hater

"My dog Ned hates shoelaces," Susan Veedan said. "He's a black and white terrier. Every night he would pull the shoelaces out of our shoes. Now we keep our footwear atop the refrigerator."

A Third Letter

Dear Monsieur Sparrow:

"24-7" means "all the time." A new phrase,"60-24," means "all day." As in: "You can come over anytime Tuesday; I'll be here 60-24."

J. D.

Bumper sticker:

I WISH I WERE
MORE BALD

A Fourth Letter

Dear Sparrow:

Yesterday, a truck drove by my house with the sign "Country Waste." (I think it pumped out septic tanks.) "That would be a good title for a melancholy Country song," I thought, and began to write it:

Some days, in my room,
I've just paced and paced.
I feel like a Country waste...

"Luke"

Bumper sticker:

I'D RATHER BE
UPSIDE DOWN

From The Art of Living Gently by Ephraim Chell:

"Every armchair has an armrest. But how many people actually rest their arms on the armrest?

"Here is an exercise:

"Sit in your armchair. Rest your left arm on the armrest. Feel the restfulness of the armrest. Allow your left arm to relax, and enjoy its position.

"Now take down your left arm, and place your right arm on the armrest. Allow this arm also to rest.

"Now, try both arms at once. Close your eyes, to completely feel arm-restedness.

"Vow to use the armrest two minutes a day."

Shandaken Poetry Compilation

Softness

Softness
is my brother.

- A. Beame

On Literature

Prose
helps you repose,

but poetry
lets you know a tree.

- Julia V. Andrews

Ask Sparrow

"Ask Sparrow" is an occasional feature of this column, where mystified citizens beg for answers to tricky questions.

Dear Sparrow:

Does anyone in Ulster County wear a monocle?

Pondering in Chichester

Dear Pondering:

I have seen no monocled eyes at the Kingston Mall, to be certain.

Helpfully,
Sparrow

Bumper sticker:

WARNING: I LEARNED TO
DRIVE FROM MY LITTLE SISTER

A Fifth Letter

Dear Nearly-Mighty Sparrow:

I have been living in this house for four years, and just today I noticed that on top of the stove, under the clock, is written: "Accubake System." I've been Accubaking, unconsciously, since 2003!

S. B.