Helpful Thoughts for Those Frustrated and Discouraged by Love
For those in the dating world especially, romantic relationships can be very challenging and unpredictable. It takes time to get to know one another, and then build a relationship on trust, kindness and time. Unfortunately, sometimes, things may not go as planned, which can lead to frustration, anger or confusion. It pays to stop, take a deep breath and think before arguing or getting upset at your partner. It is all in how we handle the situations as they come to us, how we process and respond to the situations we’re in. It takes work to have a successful relationship, but is well worth the effort when two people treat each other with respect. Here are thoughts on handling the harder times, when problems arise and you feel lost.
Take a step back for a moment, to regroup
If a situation is overly emotionally charged, or frustrating, taking a moment away to think is a good way to get yourself back on even ground. When we’re calm, we tend to make better decisions and think more clearly. Anger and stress can cloud everything so find a quiet place, without ringing phones or people bothering you, and just take time to think. How do you want this situation to work out? How do you plan to accomplish that? Consider the other person’s thoughts and feelings and be fair. Relationships are built on give and take, on teamwork. Find a compromise that suits you both best, if the situation is one you want to improve.
If you are considering ending the relationship, then that decision is yours and yours alone.
If you want to end a relationship but your partner doesn’t, you need to make the appropriate decision on what is best for you, personally. Others may try to influence your decision, but stand your ground and observe how you are treated as you think it over. If someone is not listening to your needs or wants on a consistent basis, and tries to manipulate or force you to think how they think, that’s not being respectful of your needs. Listen to your gut and make your own decision. It’s your life and if you’re forced back into a relationship that isn’t good for you, resentment and anger can build up. So be true to yourself. Nobody defines you, but you. Despite what others think, respect and stand by your own decisions.
Don’t expect others to change
It’s kind of like a “blue plate special,” in a diner, where no substitutions are allowed. The person you care for is who they are, take them as they are. Sure, clothes, styles and other superficial things can be changed, but their personality is what it is. They have to want to change, feel the need to do it, and then take conscious action to work on it; in order for behavioral change to occur. Is this person willing to work on the relationship or do they sit back and let you do it all? It takes two to relate with one another, and maintain a caring, loving relationship. What you see is usually, what you get. If you marry, the relationship will only intensify, because the two of you are together full-time. Think carefully and take a relationship slow to see how the two of you get along. Seek out a qualified therapist or social worker to do couples counseling, if the two of you aren’t seeing eye to eye. Going to a counselor is healthy; it doesn’t mean you’re crazy. They help to teach you other ways of coping during difficult situations, from a third-party, objective point of view.
If you’re really young, give yourself time to grow
Settling down with one person is a huge step. If you’re under 21 especially, don’t rush things. I’m in my early forties, and when I was younger, there were girls that couldn’t wait to get married and have babies, as young as possible. If you’re pursuing a career, make sure to finish it first, if possible. Being tied down at a very young age is stressful and make sure you have the job training finished before you do much else but date. I knew ladies that dropped out of my college because they wanted to be taken care of by their boyfriends. Twenty years later, these women, are broke, divorced with kids and working lower paying jobs. Make sure to put boyfriends and relationships into perspective. Your own future comes first, over everything else. These aren’t just hollow words, this is true. Boyfriends and husbands may come and go, but a career stays with you, and bills always need to be paid. Enjoy singlehood for as long as you comfortably can.
We all stumble, bumble and fall in relationships at one time or another in our lives. It’s part of living, and being human. Don’t be hard on yourself after a bad fight or breakup. Keep your focus on making the best life you can, and stay away from negative people who discourage you. Whatever it is you’re having trouble with, it will pass. Try not to alienate family from your life completely, if you aren’t getting along. When I hear of people not talking to their parents because mom didn’t like the boyfriend or girlfriend, it makes me sad. Many people in this world have parents that don’t care at all about the welfare of their kids. If yours care and aren’t abusive, agree to disagree and give eachother space until you can talk issues over, if necessary. Whatever the case may be, with all its lumps and bumps, most relationships are worth the effort given to them (the exception being abusive ones). Go with the flow and learn from past mistakes. In time, differences and relationships will work themselves out. Hang in there, and remember to believe in yourself, because you’ll always be there for yourself, when others may or may not.
Tags: College , Date , Singles , Relationship
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