The Arctic is disappearing due to terrorism
My fellow Americans,
I have some grievous news for you, from here at the Really, Really White House compound in the far, far north. Today, evidence was obtained by American Special Forces, that the ice walls of the Really, Really White House were melting far faster than is normal and were making the place dangerous to inhabit. Of course, we all know the cause of this excessive damage to your president’s fall compound here in the far, far north.
Terrorism, my fellow Americans, terrorism is the cause.
Using industrial strength hot-air blowers, the terrorists have been secretly melting the walls of the Really, Really White House in the hours when we were asleep. The terrorists were hoping to bring down the ice roof upon the head of your president, his loving family and his loyal staff. But the terrorists failed, my fellow Americans, they failed! We have to thank God that no-one was injured by the terrorists, who sadly have caused a lot of damage in the rest of the compound. The terrorists shrank the ice-floe housing the skidoo shed so much, that the whole thing overturned and plunged to the bottom of the Arctic Ocean. The terrorists have melted the igloo containing the dog-sleds and skis, the terrorists have destroyed the Presidential dog-house, the terrorists have weakened the ice holes where your president went fishing, the terrorists have ensured the polar bears are running short of food and the terrorists have caused the hot-water swimming pool to overflow.
We have evidence of the evildoers who performed these acts of terror. A member of the Really, Really White House staff saw a tall man, with a large black beard, flecked with grey, moving away from the area. The evildoer was wearing a white bed sheet and white turban, evidence, if any were needed, of the evildoer’s intentions to blend in with his surroundings and remain undetected. The evildoer was carrying what looked like a large hair dryer and a pack of eight batteries. This evildoer will not escape the clutches of America’s finest troops. Every snow cave will be searched, every igloo inspected to ensure the evildoer’s capture.
Rest assured, the terrorists responsible for this melting of the ice will be found, there is no place for them to hide and no matter which ‘White House’ the terrorists live in, they will not escape justice.
God Bless America
Tags: Arctic , Terrorists , Evildoers , Polar Bear
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