Fighting my perfectionism
I'm cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay. Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don't have it all. But if it would be so easy...it wouldn't change me. It's something you have to work on.
If I ask friends or tell them what I don't like in me it's common that they don't understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect. But who wants to be perfect? At least not me - it's more an insult than a compliment for me.
So the first step is what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details. These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages. Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it's the first step of changing them.
Cleaning - I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning. Problem: it's only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat. I started now to set rules for my weekends. Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I'm not keeping it to harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a "cleaning-action". Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I'm living here, it's not a sterile area, it's my home.
Work - having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it. Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it's not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it. Letting go and trusting, that's on my to do list for work. I work with professionals so why don't trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I'm really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I'm not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn't be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!
Look - everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I'm wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned. Problem: no one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines - and I know that, there's no photoshop in real life and it's good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this? I have to relax! All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It's just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don't think too much. I tried it with tiny steps. Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn't make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren't the one to wait for any longer.
Others - what may they think about me and my life? Problem: fortunately no problem. I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It's not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don't care what others think. It's your life and you should be happy. It doesn't mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don't expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don't care what they think.
And again my motto is matching a blog post - keep the faith in you and you are fine.