Martini Mamas

Julie Fonda April 22, 2009

An afternoon by the pool with the kids and other mothers. Happy meals for the kids, and Mommy’s little happy meal, Zinfandel Blush. Think of it as mommy-and-me bonding time, the perfect therapy for housebound moms and their children. While the kids splash around in the kiddy pool, the mommies drink, laugh, and tell funny stories about their husbands. Wine is the social lubricant and everyone gets happy. Sounds like a lot of fun. BYOB?

This is the culture of alcohol that many young mothers are embracing. But is this a good thing or not?

Drinking is neither good or nor bad. How it affects us depends, in part, on what our expectations are. At a social gathering, i.e., Mommy Martini Time, alcohol should have a relaxing, stress-relieving effect. But in whatever we do, especially when our children are involved, it’s always a good idea to acquire as much information as possible. Then we can make our own value judgment on what is right for us.

Most of the time it doesn’t cause any problems for the drinker. But here’s a little known fact: Women do not process alcohol as efficiently as men do. Alcohol dehydrogenase, the enzyme in the liver and stomach that breaks down alcohol, is less prevalent in women than in men. So right off the bat a woman who drinks is at a physiological disadvantage. Just another one of life’s little injustices.

Here is another bit of trivia that may pique your interest. A 1-ounce shot of hard liquor, a 4-ounce glass of wine, and a 12-ounce can of beer are all equal. The “I don’t drink hard liquor” rationale doesn’t hold water. Wine, beer and hard liquor are all the same thing: alcohol.

So what’s wrong with a little “drinky” before Daddy gets home from work or while baby is napping?

Nothing inherently, but with kids involved you want to be responsible in how much you drink and how you handle driving afterwards -- especially with kids in the car.

You can only metabolize one drink an hour. Let’s say you consume 4 drinks in the same hour, say between 1:00 and 2:00 p.m. It will not be out of your system until after 5:00 p.m. You cannot speed up the process. To top that off, if you get arrested for drunk driving with children in your car, you might also be charged with child endangerment.

You have to weigh the risks and decide if you can stay within the perimeters of drinking that is not problematic. When your blood alcohol level reaches .05, the average person’s motor skills begin to be affected. At .08 you are over the legal limit. And at .15 you are falling down drunk.

To be fair to our little Martini Mamas, only 5 to 6% of people that drink ever become alcoholics, and most people can drink without a problem. But when you begin to suffer social, physical, emotional, or legal consequences because of drinking, you have crossed over the line. But not the first time that it happens.

If I get pulled over for a “wet” ticket and am forced to park my car and walk home, I am not going to drink that much the next time. And maybe – at least for awhile – I won’t even drink at all.

But the problem drinker doesn’t cut down or stop drinking. At that point he or she is in real trouble.

Here are some things that you can do to protect yourself and ensure the safety of you and your children:

1. Have a friend lined up that you can call to be a designated driver if you drink too much and should not drive home. (You can also agree to be hers.) It’s okay to be human, and humans make mistakes. You can always get your car the next day. It might be embarrassing, but it’s a whole lot better than spending the night in the drunk tank at the police station.

2. If you’re not sure whether or not your drinking is becoming a problem, check out Moderation Management at http://www.moderation.org/. Moderation Management is an organization that teaches self-management, balance, moderation, and personal responsibility in drinking. If you happen to get a DUI, it is not necessary to march into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and declare that you are an alcoholic. Well, not unless the judge makes you.

3. Another approach to problem drinking is to talk to a counselor or psychologist about harm reduction. This is a set of practical strategies ranging from safer use to managed use to abstinence. Here is their web site: http://www.harmreduction.org

4. If you find that you have built up a tolerance to alcohol, are experiencing withdrawal symptoms without it, and are spending a great deal of time in activities necessary to obtain alcohol or recover from its effects, you may be on the road to becoming an alcoholic. If that is the case, Alcoholics Anonymous will be able to help you figure out what to do about your problem. Here is the link for AA: http://www.aa.org/. The American Medical Association defines alcoholism as a disease, not a character defect. Do not let the stigma of alcoholism prevent you from getting help.

So now that you have the facts, you can muddle them over and decide whether Mommy-and-me drinking is for you. One of the perks of being an adult is the freedom to make your own choices.

And remember -- “sippy” cups are not for Chardonnay! Cheers!

Tags: Drinking , Mothers , Alcohol , Culture