Cops Gone Wild: Arrests Mar Chicago's World Pillow Fight Day
"Who is going to clean up this mess! You're wasting taxpayers' money! I'll handcuff ya! Get outta here!" The mess this police officer is referring to is a bunch of feathers. Saturday April 4th was World Pillow Fight Day.
About 50 pillow-fighters and 50 onlookers gathered in front of 111 S Michigan Ave and at 2:00 pm sharp, cheers were heard and pillows flew. There was laughter and giggling as strangers and friends interacted with each other. Tourists stopped to watch, smiling and taking pictures. Even the Art Institute security guards, who were required to keep anyone with a pillow (even if they weren't fighting) off of their property, seemed to be amused.
People were having fun. The nerve! But naturally I am not a writer so I will quote the description from Chicago's most eloquent and articulate: our police officers. "There are about 100...uh...protesters...in an act of...uh...uh..." He turned away before I could hear the punchline. Relaying into a walkie-talkie he says, "We got a bunch a knuckleheads making a mess. Pull up the wagon." And might I add, this particular police officer is no ordinary police officer; he seems to be the policeman of all policepeople, a chief, I imagine – a representative of our finest.
His inferior shouts at the knuckleheads, "You're causing a safety hazard! Stop right now!" Pillows are dangerous! Feathers are dangerous! So ended the pesky fun.
I heard the chief arguing about paying tax again. "Who is going to clean up this mess! You're wasting taxpayers' money! I'll handcuff ya! Get outta here!" keeps echoing in my head. People – please stop wasting taxpayers' money! Spend time doing things that don't waste taxpayers' money, things like arresting pillow-fighters and sending the policewagon down and occupying the time of 10 inferiors and doing the paperwork of the arrests. The girl who is arguing with the chief says, "What about the money that I will be paying for the Olympics that I don't want! What about the social security that I will never get?" "Get outta here or you can join those girls!" the chief responds.
The girls he is mentioning have just been handcuffed and put into the police car. Well done chief. I feel so much safer now that you have handcuffed those violent girls who were throwing those dangerous feathers at each other.
And all those feathers that litter the street, what a mess! Feathers everywhere! They are so dirty and unnatural! And even worse, they are safety hazards! Birds, let this be a lesson to you: throw your shedding feathers into trash recepticles, else you too will be handcuffed and arrested.
We don't eff around in this city. Never fear, Chicago citizens – wherever there is fun going on, you can trust our crime-busters to rid us of it. So please, "if you see something, say something."
Shout out to the police force in Minneapolis who are doing a far better job than Chicago's!
Tags: Pillow Fight Chicago
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