Heard by a Bird in Phoenica

Sparrow August 26, 2009

"Beauty is in the eye of the brie-holder."

- Cy Twombly

A Letter

Dear Mr. Gossip-Editor:

Last night I was visiting my daughter in her room when we noticed a bug crawling on her bed. The insect flapped its wings, flew... then glowed! A weak greenish light flickered on the ceiling.

We were as stunned as if the curtains had talked.

Alice

T-shirt slogan:

"It's not the heat; it's the humility!"

Liz's Nectar

Juice three oranges. Stir in one tablespoon of molasses. Add a pinch of pepper.

[Liz Allarden makes this drink.]

Foot-Penny-Luck

"I was walking barefoot outside my house, and a shiny penny stuck to my foot," Bert Remmels confided to me. "That's perfect double-luck! I'm playing the date of that penny in the Lotto!"

A Second Letter

Dear Sparrow:

I make the bed, in my house, and I've observed that every day the blankets are slightly larger or smaller. Some days they hang off the bed, sometimes they barely even fit. They may grow an inch, or shrink 3 inches. Has anyone else ever noticed this?

O. A.

Jazz Storms

"Certain thunderstorms have syncopated rain and lightning," Jill McLuran told me. "I call them ' jazz storms.'"

Bumper sticker:

HOW DID "GRANOLA"

BECOME AN INSULT?

A Third Letter

Dear Gentleman:

Do you ever wonder what type of doctor you would be if you'd become an M.D.? I would doubtless be an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.

"Casey"

Shandaken Poetry Confab

No Absolutes

There are no

absolutes in

poetry -- only

shades of yellow.

- Julia Jo Helver

Eyes of a Melon

The eyes

of a melon

watch my cat.

- R. Steins

A Fourth Letter

Dear Monsieur Listener:

As a child, I suspected raisins came from a mine, like gold or tin. I didn't believe the fable that they'd once been grapes.

V. S.

T-shirt slogan:

"Yes, I'm a nerd. But at least I'm not a geek!"

A Fifth Letter

Dear Bird-reporter:

Yesterday I was at my mother's house, when I noticed an SAT preparation book. "Are you getting ready to take the SATs again?" I asked her. (She's 86.)

"No, my grand-nephew Reese left that here," Mother explained. "But I have looked at it a few times!"

This gave me an idea. Everyone should take the SATs every 15 years: at age 16, 31, 46, 61, etc. Then even middle-aged people would know trigonometry! Our minds would all stay vital and supple.

I'm going to write my congressman, suggesting this.

"Nellie"

Slinky Found

"I found a Slinky buried in the woods on Slide Mountain," Ray Wolfe told me. "This was in March. This Slinky is metal; I'm guessing it's from 1966. I've used rust remover on it, filed it, sandpapered it. I'm slowly teaching it to bend."

A Sixth Letter

Dear Gossip-attractor:

There are no green mammals.

"Alfonse"

Ponytail Quarter

"My father would give me a quarter every time I wore my hair in a ponytail," Barbara Sunders remembers. "So I'd have a ponytail three or four times a week."

Did you see the cloud shaped like Queen Elizabeth II's tiara over Chichester last Thursday?