Mother Russia Scolds Naughty Uncle Sam… By Threatening Europe?

Carl Power June 04, 2007

The British and Irish media have been awash with talk today of a return to the cold war era where espionage ruled the day and school children were frequently drilled in the art of diving under their desks for cover in order to aid their survival in the event of a nuclear strike. President Putin’s threat to point missiles at Europe in retaliation for the US placing defence shields in Poland and the Czech Republic brought me hurtling back to the 1980’s in a state of trepidation and, it has to be said, nostalgia. I myself remember watching the 1983 TV movie ’The Day After’ about the devastating effects of such an attack and remember wondering, as most teenagers did, just what sort of leader would have to be in control of ‘the button’ to actually allow such a thing to happen?

Little did I know that twenty-four years later Russia would be led by a control freak with an obvious complex about his height, while the US would be governed by an idiot boy who would blow up the sun if it meant pleasing his father. These two pitiful creatures are so lacking in leadership skills that they make Dan Quayle look like Winston Churchill.

Russia is obviously feeling squeezed by the ever-encroaching Europe, who seems to be eating its way through the former Russian states like Pavarotti at a wedding buffet. Every time Putin sabre (or should that be sickle) rattles and pronounces the West insolent, and ignorant to Russia’s interests, the Russian people rise to their unfashionably shoed feet in praise of their balding, little president. Having dragged themselves out of the depression of the 1990’s, where it found itself treated by the rest of the world like a drunken uncle who showed up uninvited at Christmas, only to be turned away at the door for smelling of vomit and urine, Russia has once again restored some semblance of pride. Yeltsin is dead after all, Russians can once again look to the Kremlin with confidence without seeing their former president running around Red Square naked whilst swigging gluttonously from a bottle of Absolut Vodka.

Meanwhile in Washington - not content with bringing Iraq to its knees and forcing it to the brink of implosion, little boy Bush has also managed to scupper any progress the Clinton administration made with Kim Jong-il and the North Koreans. He has also reignited Iranian hatred for all things British and American just when diplomatic talks where getting somewhere. And lets not forget his abandonment of the roadmap to peace between Israel and the Palestinians and his complete opposition to any form of reduction in US carbon emissions. As ever, the impotent UN will sit idly by and allow these two love starved children bring the rest of us to the point of oblivion because it risks taking a decision that may upset one or other of them. If only we could turn to Britain for succour like we did in the old days, but alas Tony Blair is too busy cleaning the toilets in the White House to hear our pleas for assistance.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood, remember them? (I did say I was hurtled back to the eighties in trepidation and nostalgia) Anyway, those of you who remember such luminaries of the pop world will doubtless remember the video for Two Tribes, where Regan and Gorbachev wrestled it out in the ring for whatever reason, control of the world I imagine. Well, perhaps it is time Don King got in touch with George and Vladimir with a proposal for a mega fight night winner take all extravaganza. If Gorgeous George wins he gets to stick his defence shields wherever the hell he likes, if Vlad the Inhaler wins he gets to play with George’s toys. I would also propose to have Condoleezza Rice wrestling naked against a fully clothed Hillary Clinton (no one deserves to see Hillary naked) on the under card just to guarantee a TV audience. While they’re at it we could also get insurgent Iraqi leader Muqtada al-Sadr in against the Iraqi PM Iyad Allawi and let them slug it out for control of Iraq. And if that went down well the Israelis could nominate someone to take on Mahmoud al-Zahar, the Hamas leader, to finally settle the Palestinian question, it would be unfair to ask Ariel Sharon to take up the challenge, although if asked, even in his current state, I’m sure he’d give it a good go.

While all this blood letting goes on inside the ring of leaders, we mortals, we workers, we grains of sand in the passing of time could maybe get on with living out our existence without the fear that some repressed power hungry fool was about to obliterate the lot of us and all because some other nondescript enemy wouldn’t give him his ball back.

Submitted by Carl Power

Tags: Remember , Also , Control