"My apple tree is going bananas."
– Dave Channon
Did you see the cloud shaped like an Australopithecus over Shandaken last Thursday?
Our First Cartoon
For the first time, this column is publishing a cartoon. Unfortunately, due to certain production limitations, you can’t actually see the image, but I’m sure you will visualize it perfectly on your own.
One logger to another:
"Hey, your chainsaw is out of tune!"
Dear Mr. Sparrow:
The term "Upstate New York" should be changed. A better term would be "Lower Canada." Boiceville, NY has more in common with Windsor, Ontario than with Brooklyn.
For the Alley Cats
"In my household, as a child, my mother never let anyone finish a bottle of wine," Amy Chartreus remembers. "She insisted on pouring the last few ounces into a saucer, and leaving it outside for the alley cats. ‘It’s a good deed to get a cat drunk,’ she’d say."
Shandaken Poetry Profusion
– Angela V. Morris
The Myth of Soda
Soda is a myth.
Coca-Cola is not "surprisingly refreshing."
(And their latest slogan,
"Welcome to the Coke side of life,"
is grimly ominous.)
Soda doesn’t even taste good.
It tastes like diabetic goo.
– Roger Pelfrey
Interview With A Lead Singer
I visited lead singer Dale Glored at his home in Pine Hill.
Sparrow: I understand you’re in a band called The Xanadudes.
Glored: Yes. It’s a terrible name, but we’re very attached to it.
Glored: The bass player and I thought it up when we were 15.
Sparrow: How would you describe your music?
Glored: We began playing heavy metal, but it became lighter and lighter. Now I call it "delicate metal."
Sparrow: What does that mean, exactly?
Glored: We sound a bit like someone knitting.
Sparrow: Do you have some music you can play me?
Glored: Sure. This is a song called "Outgassing." [He plays a CD.]
Sparrow: I see what you mean. To me it sounds like an elderly woman putting on a pair of gloves.
Sparrow: And your vocals are so… subtle.
Glored: I’m influenced by my cat purring.
Sparrow: What’s your cat’s name?
[To hear for yourself, go to www.thexanadudes.com.]
Potato Chip Pillow
"One time I went camping and forgot to bring a pillow," remembers Rick Ishram. "But we had a bag of unopened potato chips, so I used that. It was the best sleep of my life. And the next morning, most of the chips were crushed — which is how I like ’em!
"Once in a while, I still use a potato chip bag for a pillow, even when I’m at home."
WARNING: I SWERVE
TO AVOID WOODSTOCK
A Second Letter
Here’s a new idea for a reality TV show: American Idle. Twelve contestants sit around doing nothing, and are voted on by the public. Which one is best suited for idleness? The winner becomes an extra in a restaurant scene on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.