Author: Dr. Jaideep Singh Chadha
Publisher: Pustak Mahal (www.pustakmahal.com,)
The Chemistry: Extract from the book
So I asked him, “What is the secret to your happy married life now? He said the same thing, “Give each other space.”
We go to the restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing!
She goes tuesdays, I go fridays!!!!
“So are you happy now in your marriage?” I questioned. He made a face and said, “Yaa! I have been a very unlucky man in marriage. I left my first wife and this one won’t leave me!”
And, he brings out thick guttural German laughter. Then why do people in happy marriages, peck on others? “Nature!” he said, “Nature! Man is like an animal. He always wants to improve upon the generation that he has already produced.” I said, “Man doesn’t have extra-marital affairs to produce more children.” “Yes!” he said, “But it is in his nature to produce more.
And with different ones he can do that. The only thing is that society won’t let him produce more in an extra-marital situation. In any case, in an affair, man can’t produce children but he carries on with his obsession with other women because of his instinct to improve his generation. The natural instinct is always there.”
So I said, “What about the woman? She also has extra-marital affairs.” “She also has to improve her generation, the same way that a man has to. It is woman’s nature too,” he said, “In the western world today, women don’t want to get married early and if they do, they don’t want to produce children.
In the metropolitan cities of India, the trend is catching on. What they forget is the fact that children are the binding force in a marriage. If that binding force is missing, it would automatically lead to more divorces.” I asked Deiter if I would be right in saying that people would gradually settle in a groove and marry later in life.
He said, “Maybe! The chances are that she might not get a healthy male to marry, but the desire to produce children will always be there. It is nature.” I told him, “Children produced by matured women may not be healthy. The incidence of diseases in these children is more.” “Yaa, yaa,” he said. I changed the topic.
I asked him, “What keeps the marriage brimming?”
1. Whenever you are wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you are right, shut up.
3. Always remember your wife’s birthday. I asked how that is possible. He said, “All you have to do is to forget it once!!”
4. Forgiveness is important.
A good wife is the one who always forgives her husband when she is wrong!!
He then dropped the bombshell, “Indians are bisexual.” I said, “What?” He said, “Yaa, yaa! When they get a woman, they are heterosexual. When they don’t, they are homosexual.”
I looked at him, amazed. I always thought there were more homosexuals in Europe! “There are,” he said, “But percentage-wise, the population of bisexuals is more in India because of your population.” So I asked, “Where are the children coming from?” “Nature!
The nature of man is to produce children and then to improve upon the generation! When that is done, after the age of 30 or 40, they change.” I asked again, “Only Indians?” He said, “No, no! All men are like that.”
My mind went to that lovely lady who once came to my office and I raised the topic of marriage. Not my marriage to her; only for discussion! She said that I should go to Delhi and see what is happening there. They have Thursday clubs for homosexuals and Saturday clubs for lesbians.
My eyes had opened wide. She said, “Haan! 40% of the married population of elite Delhi are homosexuals and lesbians! At least in the circle that we move in!” I said, “Whoooa!” When I narrated the story to another friend, he said, “So why are you surprised? Why go to Delhi? Go to this restaurant here in Chandigarh itself, and you will see boys in lipstick mooning around with hulks and on another day, see the lesbos in action.”
My eyes opened wider. “Whoooa!” I said again, “Where am I? Hibernating, of course!” Then I asked Deiter about the importance of sex in a married couples’ life. “How important is it to hold the marriage together?” “About 40%,” he said. I said that according to my calculations, it is not 40%, but almost 90%.
I gave him the quote: If the woman keeps the man adequately satisfied sexually, he will be like a pet dog and he will not have to foray into garbage dumps. If you see a happy couple, you can safely bet your life on their happy and fulfilled sexual life. See a couple which is always quarrelling, and then too you can bet on your life that they are having a horrid sexual life.
Even if people quarrel, a happy couple will always make up in bed. A golden rule to follow is never to let a quarrel overflow into the next morning. The bed is the best place to start a dialogue. Who starts the patching up is immaterial. It has to be over before the sun is out the…