Reaching A State Of Calm Can Bring Us Face To Face With Ourselves
Very Often We Forget The Lesson Unless It’s Difficult
There are times when we’re all very busy, probably too busy. The first reaction for most of us is to expect the other person, or persons, to be able to read our minds, to know that we’re too occupied with what’s going on around us to stop and talk. Usually when that happens we got embroiled in an action/reaction scenario.
I remember a time in my life when it seemed I never had enough time and my favorite saying was, “I’m too busy.” That mindset started out in my businesses but crept into my personal life. After telling my employees, and later my family and friends, that I was too busy, I would drop it at that, expecting everyone to be able to read my mind.
A few years ago I was presented with an opportunity that would prepare me for dealing with people from around the World.
My learning place came as a caregiver for my Mom the last ten years she was alive. The last three years were difficult, with the last two being physically and emotionally exhausting. In the beginning I felt it was more than I could handle. Then one day I realized that “here’s a learning opportunity that’s being presented to me that can help me make the changes in my life that I’ve known about for a long time but haven’t been able to accomplish.”
I was a cookie cutter of my Mom. I had a lot of the same traits she had, most of which I didn’t care for in her or others, but had turned a blind eye to in myself. I knew those traits were there, I just chose to ignore them because, “That’s who I am, and I’m too busy!”
The more her health deteriorated the more often the sudden outbursts, the verbal abuse, and having to be physically on guard at all times, occurred. I was fortunate, I’d had many years of discipline training, I knew the benefits of breath control and I had a wife who knew the situation on a firsthand basis.
There were times when it would have been much easier to put my mother in a nursing home, visit when it was convenient and walk away when it wasn’t. If I had chosen to do that, most people would have understood. But, I would never have been able to see how my life might turn out by watching it pass in front of my eyes, as if looking in a mirror.
My Mom’s friends and acquaintances quit coming to visit because she alienated them with traits that had been “cute” when she was well but were amplified the sicker she got.
My experience has been that those who are aggressive by nature when well, have a tendency to become more belligerent when sick. Those who are passive when well, become more docile when ill. My tendency, like my Mom’s, was to be aggressive. I saw firsthand what it was doing to her life and to those around her and I didn’t want that to be my future. Because of the lesson that was being presented to me, I was able to begin bringing myself, and my life, to the center of the road.
Because of that opportunity I’m better able to communicate with others and, even though I still have a lifetime of learning ahead, I’m at least able to be a little more understanding when they go ballistic over little things.
I haven’t reached the place of a pacifist and really don’t care to, but I’m not teetering on the edge where little things can pitch me into the brink like they used to.
I guess it’s like driving down the road. Being in the dirt on either shoulder can be a dangerous place. By staying on the road, we’ll live a longer and happier life. There are times when someone else can be out of control and we have to be aware of those times and not allow them to physically, emotionally or spiritually crash into us. We also can’t hold onto our half of the road, our belief system (our BS) so tightly that we end up in a relationship wreck through bullheadedness.
I believe it’s necessary to hold those responsible for their actions, their reckless driving through life, but since my learning opportunity, it’s proven to be more prudent to do that from a calm place, rather than from a reactionary point of view.