A few weeks ago, in fact most of last month, I had some unusually strong emotional issues come up. My issues revolve around career and income. Having chosen the vocation of a Spiritual Healer, I’ve picked the perfect career vehicle to accentuate anxiety about money.
As a healer, I’ve never earned more than a few rusty sheckles; usually just enough to scrape up the rent. Recently, when the planets lined up to detonate my issues around money, it felt like my head was about to explode through my temples. Needless to say, it made my life very uncomfortable, not to mention those closest to me.
Since this was a recurring theme, I knew the dance. Whenever I start to get exceedingly stressed about money, I immediately think I have to go back to work as a corporate mining geologist (My earlier career choice where I have lots of training and experience. It pays well too). The only problem is, just by entertaining the thought of re-entering the den of the insatiable corporate vampire-squid, my body immediately starts to shut down. My intestines freeze up, my heart rate accelerates and I start having problems with my lungs. The more I have grown in my own spiritual walk over the years, the worse the symptoms have become. Do you think my body is trying to tell me something? Maybe working as a geologist isn’t in alignment with who I am any more. Gee, do ya think?
So after about 10 days of being in this horrific and stressful funk, I did something I have never done before. I gave up. Dangling from the end of my personal rope, I said, "Screw it. If this is the way it’s supposed to be and if I’m just this dyed-in-the-wool spiritual free spirit, then so be it. Divine, I give it to you. It’s all yours. You can have it! Cussword, cussword, cussword!"
Having been an athlete my entire life, the thought of giving up has always been a bit repulsive. But this was different. This wasn’t like giving up a competitive contest, it was much deeper. I was throwing in the towel to life. I just had too much and couldn’t take it anymore. My system was worn out. Then, upon reflection, I think I actually did a spiritual virtue on accident. I surrendered.
What transpired over the next few days was remarkable. I entered a perpetual state of deep peace and tranquility. It was down-right awe inspiring. As I continued to focus my attention on it, I started wondering, "Is it really possible to live this way every day…all the time?" The feelings were so surreal. I could feel them continuously in the base of my 3rd chakra (stomach). After a few days, I started to think this must be some type of Divine Grace but I didn’t really know what Divine Grace was. So I looked it up in the dictionary.
Here’s what Webster’s said: Grace is "Unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification". Uh-oh, religious words; I never understand those things. Then I had to look up sanctification. From the ten million definitions that came up and referred back and forth to the same words I didn’t understand, I guessed that sanctification must mean something like "holy or godlike".
So I gather, Grace is something given from the Divine that makes us feel like the Divine. If that’s the definition, then that’s what I was feeling.
The deep serene tranquility I was experiencing day in and day out wasn’t something I tried to create. It just happened and it stuck; at least so far. All because I deeply gave up and recognized the problem was far beyond anything I could handle on my own. Plus, I asked for help; Divine help.
So here I am weeks later, still in a state of "Grace". My financial situation hasn’t changed one bit but the way I experience it is like absolute freedom. I’m guessing if I continue to focus on my tranquility and give thanks for it, it will be reflected back to me through the events of my physical life. Wouldn’t that be a blessing?